Interview with the Weary Traveler

This ragged issue of the popular magazine Absalom Reporter features a gnome on the cover, colorfully dressed and smiling. The artist drew him in a haughty pose: his foot rests on the skull of a great reptile, and he proudly holds aloft a gem the size of his own head. In bold letters, the caption reads: "An exclusive interview with famous treasure hunter Barandaball Zesselwand!" "- Sir Zesselwand... - Ha ha, why the formality? Please, just call me Ball. - All right. Ball. You've recently returned from a long voyage to Garund... - Well, not all of Garund. I mostly spent my time in Ossirion and Katapesh, making short trips to Geb, Nex, and Jalmeray. - What was the aim of your expedition? - That's a fine question! As Desna is my witness, I've asked myself many times, 'what the devil made me go there?' – Especially each time I miraculously managed to extricate myself from yet another predicament... But you know what? The answer to the question is quite irrelevant! Yes, that's right! Let's say that initially I only intended to confirm a certain hypothesis regarding the architecture of pyramids. But before I even reached them, I was lucky to awaken a sphinx who had been sleeping in the sand for centuries – and escape with my skin intact. I discussed philosophy with an oracle of Wadjet, witnessed the rise of the triple sun, tasted nine new dishes, four drinks and two new kinds of tobacco. The pyramid hypothesis turned out to be utter nonsense in the end, but at the moment I learned of this, I was already busily investigating the atrocities of a secret cult that was attempting to resurrect the remains of some ancient monster in the middle of Sothis... As you see, the nominal aim of the voyage scarcely matters at all! - Forgive the blunt question, but rumor has it that despite your life of adventure, even you couldn't avoid the eternal bane of gnomes. – The Bleaching... - What nonsense! Haha, Bleaching? Me?! That's nothing more than the wishful thinking of those determined to be my adversaries. The southern sun bleached my hair, and as soon as they caught sight of this, the rumors started flying! Make no mistake, if anything kills me, it will be another adventure – and decidedly not a loss of the will to live! - That's good to hear! So what are your plans for the future? - I will go North, to the River Kingdoms. I've been having very strange dreams lately... I won't share all the details yet, to maintain the intrigue. But if even a part of them is true – then when I return, you'll be printing a tale of incredible adventure! - Thank you for the interview, and good luck in your coming journey! - Thank you as well!"